不晓得为什么,今天特别想在这里呐喊...

今天当你绷着个脸时,你说你很累,我知道你不是,因为就算你再累,脸上已很明显看到你疲倦的样子,你也很少在我面前喊累.我想你一定是为了我说的话而心情不好.不过我表面选择相信你,不是因为我信以为真,而是我认为你不想说是一定有自己的苦衷,我也不想逼问你.但后来当你说我不了解你时,我就试着逼问你为何心情不好,你就跟我所预料的一样,你一直否认你心情不好.当下我决得好难过,虽然我早早就跟自己说我不想逼问你,但当你在我面前否认的时候,我的心情变得好承重.

我在想你是不是对我所说的话感到失望？

又或许你是不是为了我所说的话感到难过？

无论如何，我只知道看到你难过却一句都不跟我说，我心里只有自己难受.

不过或许你不想说，也有你的原因跟想法吧.

就象最近为了一些自己的事而被搞到又累又不愉快.我想跟你诉苦,但有时看到你时,心情不知不觉就会好许多，根本不想再把不愉快的事提出来。有时我害怕你会为了我的事感到无能为力而难过,我自己也感到内疚.所以有时为了不想让你这样,我选择不说出来. 不过于这件事来讲，其实说不说出来并不重要,因为只要你在我身边,我的心情就会变得好起来,让我不再忧郁,就像事情已解决了一样.也给了我能量与勇气继续面对.不是觉得你无能，我只是不想为了我的一些你暂时能力有限的事而增加你的负担.因为我是这么觉得.闷在心里的确不好受，不过我宁愿我自己难受也不要你不好过.

我只想对你说:

Thanks for just being there, no matter what happens.

It's been a great time spent at YOG~!

Thanx to my sis who pulled me along during Diving Invitational,so i gt a chance to participate in YOG's Diving event! e period started from 16th and ended on 24th aug...during this period,almost everyday i got lotsa fun~! prob except when we gt scolded for some reasons,or we were damn angry at some irritating hypocrites..but it didnt dampen e whole spirit~! and because of e scope of my duty, i gt to intereact with e atheletes and coaches,watch e atheletes dive "live" and take photos with them..hehe..seriously,most of them dun look like 16 or 17 years old..they look quite mature actually..haha..but they were so handsome and pretty~! and some were really quite friendly and fun to talk to..

Not only e atheletes and coaches,e other volunteers were rather fun-loving too! prob coz they were either younger than me or about e same age as me,so we could all go crazy together..haha..

On e last day of event after everything ended,we were allowed to try e facilities at e complex..coz me and another volunteer chong hwee din really know how to swim and float,we tried practising at e swimming pool..why we thot we nd to practise was coz e pool at e diving area was 4.5m! thot it would be quite scary if we dun practise awhile 1st..haha..

After hesitating for awhile and much persuasion from others,we still decided to try diving for e 1st time!! we thot it might be our 1st and e last time to try it out..but before tt,we asked some of our frenz to standby in case we needed them as lifeguards..lolx..we 1st tried e 3m springboard..it looked rather easy to jump,but when i stepped onto e springboard and edged towards e tip of e springboard, it was really OMG~!! it looked soooo high when i looked down to e pool~! it's so freaking scary to tk e 1st step out and leap off tt springboard can! finally when i mustered enough courage to jump down and floated up e pool,it's a totally diff feeling..what an awesome experience~! really couldnt use words to describe it..

Next we went up to e 5m platform..when we went up,we totally said no already..it's so damn high la~! but we still stayed up there to give moral support to 2 of them who were intending to jump down..they also hesitated for quite awhile,in e end only 1 of them jumped down,e other last min withdrew..lolx..jux for ur info,5m is nt e highest,there's still 10m~! we went up and needless to say,we din even thot of attempting,and we din even wanna stay up there for a minute..

On e way down we decided to give 3m another go..thot since we already had our 1st try,e 2nd try would be easier..we were SO WRONG..when we edged to e tip of e springboard again,e fear was back again~! this time,when i leaped off e board, i subconsciously screamed..LOL..but again,it was another amazing experience after tt..=)

After e pool was closed,we stayed around for pizza and chit chat..and we got our YOG cert! we continued to play around and took silly photos before we left e complex with a tired body and a heavy heart..

This marks e end of e one and probably e only SYOG..it has been a wonderful experience and im so happy to be part of e history~! :)))

I am 22 now! undeniably..haha..

I guess coz im already above 21,so i dun really feel e particular excitement when my birthday is here nor any anticipation when e day is nearing..haha..but e funny thing is im still usually quite excited when my close frenz' birthdays are approaching but not my own..din really hav any big celebrations with frenz like wat i did with them in e past..now im contented with just a simple dinner and chill out time with them..

And i fell sick 3 days before my actual day..so suay can~! from sore throat to fever to cough..it's been long since i fell sick so seriously,and for so long..my sore throat till now still haven fully recover..haiz..

E 1st person to celebrate for me was my buddy xuemei~! on e 5th after my temp job ended for e day, met up with her and we went to great world..accompanied her to buy e chocolates for her anniversary gift 1st before we settled down at ichiban boshi for dinner..e dinner was her treat..=) felt so shiok to sit down coz my legs were sore from all e runnings and walking arounds with my heels during work,and i din even hav much chance to sit down for 11 hrs..though e heels wasnt very high, it is quite a new pair..we ate and chatted until 9 plus before we made our way back home..also couldnt stay too late coz we both got to wake up early for work e next day,esp me..got to wake up at 5 plus..=S

E next person to celebrate with me was pat,who celebrated with me on e next day..she also went for e same temp job..tt day was e last day,so after everything including packing up and stuff,e person-in-charge gave us tickets to Marina Bay Sands Sky Garden for FREE~!! hehe..initially they gave us sat's tics,but we said we dun mind gg tt day,so they gave us e tics for tt day instead..it's kind of a long journey to MBS sky garden..coz i realised there's no longer a direct bus to suntec,and e bus tt we could took kept running off without us notice..finally we managed to take a bus to e bus stop outside suntec..and we gt to walk all e way down to buy Subway for our dinner..den ran to e bus stop at e convention centre to tk bus to MBS..by e time we reached there it's already 940 and e sky garden closed at 10..and we gt to hide our food in our bags coz we dunno if they would allow or they might confiscate it if not allowed..haha..luckily,though e sky garden entrance closed at 10,they allowed those already at e sky garden to walk until 1030..so we din "lu-gi" after all..wahaha..and seriously,e night view was really quite magnificient~! and i finally saw e scary swimming pool which seem to have no barriers at e end of e building..e only bad pt was it's not very windy as expected..i also dunno why..anw,after we came down,i suggested eating our dinner-cum-supper at e sitting area beside Robinsons at City hall coz it's nearer to mrt and we dun hav to fear we cant tk e last train home..really got to thank her coz despite her legs already very pain and tired (and me too!) from all e walking and standing during work,she still willing to accompany me to spend my birthday on my actual day itself..=)

On e 8th,me and my family went to East Coast to hav seafood dinner~! Whee! Love seafood to e max~! Probably coz next day is a public holiday so tt day was exceptionally crowded..parking was almost full...we couldnt really decide which restaurant to go so we jux settled down on any one of e restaurants,which was not as well known as those like Jumbo or Long Beach..but surprisingly,their seafood was not bad,especially e crab! but their other side dishes like Pai Gu werent tt nice..but overall,it's still a great and sumptuous dinner,and a good time spent with my family..

On e 10th celebrated with my nus buddies ah man rainbow jaz and pat..we went for e crystal jade xiao long bao buffet at holland v..coz my sore throat still haven recover,so i couldn really eat e spicy part..but of coz i couldnt resist not eating at all..haha..this time we ordered alot of xiao long baos..erm,if i din rmb wrongly we ordered a total of 10 plus sets of xiao long baos~! wahaha..with me and pat eating e most of them..lolx..coz we so love xiao long baos~!! in e end we were super full..after e buffet ended at 8,pat went home 1st,while e rest of us decided to go watch "Salt" movie at JP..movie started at 940,and rainbow gt to meet her client for awhile..whhile waiting,me ah man and jaz went to shop ard..when we passed by Bakerzin,jaz told us she saw a discount off e desserts and beverages..at 1st me and ah man couldnt believe,so out of curiosity we walked back to check it out,and turned out to be true!

Dun be amazed by girls' appetite for desserts...we were so tempted by e cakes,so we decided to settle for desserts!! somehow we dun feel full anymore after looking at e cakes..LOL..we sat and chatted while waiting for rainbow to meet us before we went for e movie together,and homed at 11 plus..

Really thanks to all my family and buddies who spent my birthday with me~!! *Hugs* XD

Woah..i jux realised i had been leaving this space to rot for a month already~!! actually when i always wanted to find some time to update, i either dun hav e energy or i jux procrastinate..haha..alright tt's me..and probably coz im getting more and more lazy due to rotting too much at home..ok, tt sounds pretty bad..JOB PLS COME TO ME SOON~!!

So these were wat/where i had done/went for e past month:

-My commencement ceremony~!
-Celebrated mum and dad's 25th wedding anniversary! i tink it's called silver wedding or something? went Tung Lok for dinner..instead of "er ren shi jie", my mum wanted to celebrate as a family and so we 3 siblings went to be gooseberries..wahaha..
-Watched Despicable Me 3D and non-stop eating with ah man and rainbow..haha..I love Agnes!! She's soooooo cute!
- Went for some 2/3 days temp jobs to earn some pocket money while still hunting for a perm job..seriously, perm job is so hard to find now..esp within my related field...sianz!
-Watched Inception with my sis~! a damn nice show!
-and some meet ups here and there..

Though it's quite long ago already,i still wanna talk about my commencement on e 11th july~! tink tt will be my 1st and probably e only time wearing a "si fang mao"~! when e day was nearing, was starting to get more and more nervous..on e day itself, needless to say, i was nervous to e max! got to admit tt i do have stage fright..haha..observed wat e others did on e stage,looked easy,but when it's my turn,a few seconds walk to e presenter seemed like minutes!! omg..seriously,my heart was at my mouth already, and my mind was a total blank throughout, to e extent tt when i gt down e stage,i realised i din really rmb wat i did on stage..haha..not exaggerating really..and i din even notice how they pronounced my name..my name sometimes got pronounced in quite a not so nice way,esp if e person is not a chinese..and i heard some of e names were pronounced weirdly, so i started to get worried abt this..haha..luckily when i asked my sis,she said it sounded ok..lolx..

After e ceremony, started to go ard taking photos..took photos with my family 1st before gg ard to take photos with others..other than taking photos with my usual clique, also went ard taking photos with my other uni mates who graduated too..but i only managed to take a few,coz my camera died on me halfway! in e end gt to use others' cameras to take..=( by e time me,rainbow and ah man were gg to leave, UCC was already quite empty le,left only a few pple here and there..after i left with my family, we went to have dinner at the prata shop near NUS..haha..we din really hav e time to have a celebration dinner coz my dad was in a rush to go out..but it doesnt matter to me,coz im already damn hungry and im satisfied with any food..lolx..

It is always hard to say goodbye..especially when you don't even want it to happen..but somehow i regretted not saying it,coz that was my last chance to do so..

Finally my weekends got something to blog abt...haha!

On saturday noon went to weixiang's house for mahjong..met up earlier with xuemei 1st for lunch before going up to his house..waited for sinda for almost half an hour before we could finally start playing..-.-.. by e time we finished playing 1 full round,it was already 630! supposed to meet s20 for gathering at 630 but i was already late..in e end i reached holland v at 730,and coz it's raining and im lazy to take out my umbrella since it's jux a short distance from e bus stop to e cold storage building,gt to drench myself in e rain..of coz i would only do tt since it's jux a drizzle..

Surprisingly,i wasnt e last person to arrive..haha..and not too bad,there's at least half of our class pple who went..e moment i arrived e poking fun btw me and johnston started again..but well, im really used to it already..haha..anw,we had our dinner at 211 roof terrace cafe..e place was not bad,but e food wasnt really good..i ordered fish and chips,looked not bad but tasted so-so only,not very nice..and for susian's seafood platter(i dun really rmb e name),he said it's tasteless and he actually poured(not sprinkle) cheese powder on it..looked even less appealing but at least it tasted better..others ordered salads,pastas and pizzas,din really ask if it's nice but i tink e standard shld be e same..we laughed and chitchat after dinner,and finally it's cake presenting time for july babies min and ah fen~! ordered a tiramisu and brownie ice cream,and surprisingly their cakes tasted not bad! after phototaking and hanging ard,most of us headed for home for world cup germany vs argentina!

Thot argentina might win,but dunno why they wasnt playing at their usual standard at tt match,and plus germany played well with their fast counter-attacking skills..so sorry argentina,next time ba!

On sunday went to e bonitochico warehouse sales at helipad with xuemei..e sales started at 2 so we met up for lunch at abt 130..by e time we were ready to go up it's abt 230..when we stepped out of e lift,wat we saw was really OMG~!! e queue was soooooo damn long~! looked so crazy~! nv expect e queue to be so long sia..it's like fans queueing up for some idol's signature like tt..can u imagine! we were hesitating whether to join e craziness,but thot since we were already here,might as well jux try,so in e end we went to queue up! along e queue saw some familiar faces here and there..and they were even earlier than us..looked like most of them chiong down specially jux for e bc sales..haha..

We queued for 4 freaking hours before it's gg to be our turn to go in! by e time our legs were aching already..actually i tink e reason why e queue moved so slowly was coz most of them stayed in e club for so long! we saw some of e pple,from e time they went in to e time they came out from e club,they took more than 2 hours! we den decided we shld die die stay inside until it's closed to make our waiting time worthwhile..haha..

When we stepped into e club,wah,it's so dark can..e lights were so dim and little..and it's so crowded! some gals behind me asked 1 of e crews if can switch on all e lights,tink e crew felt abit paiseh when replying "e lights were already on"..lolx..when we started browsing,we started to understand why e others nd so long to shop inside..haha..one thing was e lights were too dim,gt to use longer time to look at each piece of apparel..second was tt it was too crowded and squeezy! got to use alot of energy to squeeze from one section to another..third was coz most of e pple would jux grab watever they thot was quite nice and eventually gt to stand aside and filter out those tt they decided nt to buy..lastly was tt coz they did nt put their unwanted pieces back to their respective sections and jux throw at any section(i tink nobody would ever do tt at tt crowded situation),whenever we walked back to any section N no of times,there would always be "new discovery"..haha..but seriously,some were so inconsiderate..when they browsing thru some of e clothes dropped on e floor..they din pick it up and caused some to be stepped on by everybody! this also happened when pple were busy digging thru e piles of clothes..haiz..women were jux too concentrated on grabbing their loots..

Ard 8-ish one of e owners of bc announced tt she received a feedback from some gals tt they queued super long jux for e sales,and so in order to thank us,she said all apparels which gt diff range of prices including bags were reduced to $15,and those tt originally cost $10 were all reduced to $5!! Woo hoo~!  my filtering became less "strict" after tt..haha..

By e time we left it's abt 9 plus already..this means we stayed for abt 2 hours plus also! in total i bought 4 tops and 1 bag for jux $65~! so happy~!! at least it made e 4 hrs of waiting time worth it~! =)

Sometimes i feel that the system/service(or watsoever) in NUS is really sux to e core!!
On monday i went down to collect my academic dress..it was initially e official day where students from faculty of science were arranged to collect between 5-8pm..diff fac would hav diff days and timings to collect their dress..in a way it's good so as to prevent everyone from chiong-ing to get their desired dress size since it's first come 1st serve basis..me and pat decided to go exactly at 5 so as to be able to get our size..but when jaz told me on mon morning tt some of her frenz already able to collect their dresses on sat,we felt so kena cheated and felt so stupid to follow wat NUS instructed..wat's worst was tt e dresses in all sizes were all placed since sat..this means for pple like us who went on mon,our chances of getting s or xs size was almost zero coz they were e most popular sizes..it's really WTH can!! wat kind of 1st come 1st serve basis is this!?!? at least they shld like leave an equal no of s and xs sizes on each day,sounds more fair lorz..

In e end we decided to meet asap hoping to get our desired size..in e end when me and pat got there e s and xs were all gone..and m size also left a few pieces only..imagine we initially wanted xs,now we nd to wear m size..i was like wearing some kind of wizard clothing la..den e cap also same case,all left those m size when we originally wanted s..and e cap was even more impt coz if it's too big,i tink it will e laughing stock of e century if u bow and e cap drop when on e stage..but luckily after trying out almost all e caps,i finally managed to find 1 which is more fitting..really really felt so cheated and angry..actually i already gt e academic dress and cap which belong to my sis..but hers is both m size which was too big for me so i chose to rent instead..in e end i still rent m size for both! it's really a waste of my money!!!!

We went on to collect our hood and invitation card and listened to e booths set up by photography shops promoting their studio package..at 1st we were attracted to e 1st photography shop W coz of its striking banner..wat's gd was tt they allowed us to pay a small deposit if we were interested and was refundable if we decided not to take up their package after more consideration..we din realised there's a 2nd booth until we walked further down..we thot e 2nd 1 H was not bad too..in e end me and pat were in a dilemma on whether to change to H since e deposit paid at W was refundable..still din manage to come to a decision even after rainbow and ah man knocked off from work and came to meet us at 7 plus after collecting their dresses..so we jux went to holland v to have our dinner..

Initially planned to try our luck at crystal jade for buffet,but of coz we expected it we would end up disappointed..den we wanted to go to "everything with fries",but it was closed! in e end we went to Swensens..

While chatting,we realised rainbow managed to get s size for her academic dress when she came much later than us! i rmb we did ask e person in charge there whether there's any more s or xs sized dress and e person said everything was already there..dunno y tt person managed to get an s size from nowhere! it's really damn sucky can...and felt so cheated AGAIN~!! #$^&^%#$%*

Somehow i tink nus shld do something abt it..haiz..anw,luckily we were at swensens, coz eating desserts jux extinguished any anger in me!! hehehe..:)))

Yeah~! I finally got a new camera-canon S90! been wanting to buy a new 1 ever since like months ago..my old camera is kinda spoilt..it's not totally unusable anymore,but when i took photos esp during outdoors,there will be ugly and obvious black patches in e photos..it looks as if e sky is turning dark and it's gg to rain..haha..if u go and see my taiwan photos,it's actually quite observable esp in those scenic photos..so now can finally say goodbye to my canon ixus and hello S90~! unless if me and sis got to use camera on e same day..haha..

After talking for months abt changing camera,we finally took action coz of e PC show..we went on friday to have a look at e cameras and e prices..decided to stick to canon coz we thot canon was still e best camera brand among others..we were deciding between S90 and G11 coz both got equally good reviews and they were more reccommended if looking for compacts..tried both at e booth and we cant really decide on e spot which 1 to get..so after much discussion,we decided on S90! actually G11 is slightly better than S90,but G11 is considerably more bulky and heavier,and e weight really puts me off coz i dun like to carry a heavy camera ard..

So we went to e PC show again today to get our S90!! we quickly bought it and escaped from e super packed place..and seriously,i tink it's really worth it to buy it at e PC show! and i thot this PC show is nt as packed as previous times,so i gt a better time walking in e convention hall.. haha..

Yday evening went to my aunt's house to celebrate "dumpling" festival..not exactly a big special occasion,but my 4th uncle always like to organise such gatherings during any special occasions..in a way it's good coz i love gatherings! he ordered catering food for our dinner..tink most of us were too full to stuff dumplings after dinner,even though it's supposedly celebrating this festival and eating dumpling is a must..haha..had fun playing cards with cousins,though we always play e usual few games,we always had a good laugh coz we kept playing mind games with each other..while we were playing,e others were either playing mahjong or busy watching e taiwan show "爱"..lolx..

Went home at ard 10 plus to prepare for e World Cup frenzy~! stayed up to watch e England vs USA match at 230am..but e results turned out to be such a disappointment! e goalkeeper should really packed his bag and go home man..haiz..

Anw,sooo excited tt e World Cup is finally here~! woo hoo~! finally gt something to anticipate everyday..haha..but this also means my dark circles and eye bags are gg to worsen again during this period of time..tsk tsk..but i dun mind sacrificing for it! hehehe..

Ok..maybe i shld go nap a little while before e Germany vs Australia match starts a few hours later..muz build up some energy to root for my 2nd fav germany! =)

KAI YAN
there's nothing wrong with my name.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again.
I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It.
Nobody's ever perfect.
I can't control the way i am,but i can control the way i live my life.
So welcome to my blog...=)


announcements;p

-My 3-4 yrs in NUS will be a smooth-sailing yet exciting one..
-Graduate with a Bachelor degree with merit..
-Have more gatherings pls~!
-To be able to go to Anfield~!
-To meet Steven Gerrard in real person/have his autograph~
-To find my prince charming whom i can spend my life with..
-To shop shop and shop for more clothes and shoes~!
-Perm my hair~!
-See snow for at least once..
-Go for Lasik Surgery
-Wish everyone to be happy and safe always~!

they pleaded her GUILTY.

Peggy
Xiaohui
Yuko
Chengjoo
Esther
Class blog
Kaiting
Sze Hui
Grace
Dennes
Hwee Fen

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